There and Back Again

The whole goal for this weekend was to be brave enough to travel out of town with 7 week old Emmitt. Our goal was simple:  stay the weekend in Tulsa (only about an hour and a half drive) with my parents.  We got to have lunch with Tim's family and also got to travel to Bartlesville to see my best friend.   Easy, right??  I was hoping so!!

Going into the weekend, everything sounded fun, relaxing, and a bit intimidating with a newborn. Tim and I are still learning about the "new normal" of being parents.  What time could we leave so that E didn't wake up hungry while we were still driving?  (Answer: Feed him then hit the road immediately!)  Did we pack cloth diapers or take disposables? (Disposables.  We already have some, might as well use them and not have to carry his poo back home with us...) To complicate things, E has been having a fussy attitude for the last four or five days. (Which did not change...)

Here's how the weekend went:  It went GREAT!

E slept the whole way to Tulsa.  When we got to my parents' house, the first hurdle was introducing E to the dogs.  My parents own four - two big dogs, two little dogs.  We were a little curious as to how they would do, but they didn't get pushy.  They just sniffed a bit, if any at all.  Bella the German Shepherd liked to lick his feet if we gave her the opportunity.  I'm pretty sure one of the little ones is still jealous that E meant she couldn't sit in my mom's lap.  Poor, Annabell!

Friday night through dinner E did pretty well.  Even when he did fuss later, having grandma around really took some of the stress off my shoulders.  I learn something new about how to soothe a baby almost every time we visit the grandparents.  Granny Mac even took him to see her vegetable garden.  Well, that's not quite true.  We ventured out so she could show off her grandson to the neighbor.  Said neighbor wasn't home at the time, so she and I looked at the vegetable garden. 

And for the record:  Babies are noisy sleepers.   E can grunt and groan for an hour and still be sleeping.  Daddy sleeps through most of it, but not this rookie mom.  Baby boy, I love you, but that is why you get to sleep in your own room at home!

Saturday we grabbed lunch with Tim's family at one of our favorite restaurants and then headed to B-ville.  This was the second road trip of the weekend.  Again, E slept the whole way! It was fun to see friends and it gave me a chance to practice breastfeeding out and about.  (Which means at my friend's house, not at a store.)  For me, this is still a bit intimidating.  I'm not okay nursing without a cover and I want to be respectful of those around me, but I know that I can't run home to feed E every three hours.

Here's a picture of Lacey, her niece, and E: 

 I love this picture!  There's something about those friends that are really more like family.  If you ever need dirt on me, there are two people you need to pay off:  my husband and Lacey.  I will always be happily married to my husband and close to Lacey so that all of my embarrassing stories are kept safe!

At Lacey's, her niece started playing with temporary tattoos.  It's kind of fun having a 9 year old around, you know?

 I picked out this dove.  Lacey and I talked about getting tattoos together during freshman of college.  Now we have!  (They just happen to rub off...)

We also got to see a sweet friend named Julia.  I love this picture because it was taken while she was laughing and when I look at it I can still hear her chuckle. Friends that warm the heart are a requirement for a great weekend!

There was also another purpose for the weekend:  My dad's Father's Day/Birthday. Dad said his gift was Emmitt.  Can I just say that melted my heart!   It's fun to watch him love E and ask to hold him. 

We ended the weekend with homemade vanilla ice cream and grilled pork and veggie kabobs.  Delicious!!

Here's a glimpse of our festivities:

It was so nice to go home and see my folks while bringing my son (still so weird!!) along.  It was such a good trip that I may have asked my husband if we could move back to Tulsa.  When he asked what part of town, I may have sheepishly responded with, "My parents' neighborhood is nice."

The truth is that we are happy where we are now, but it was just so good to see my family and friends.  Being so busy with baby, I didn't realize how much I missed everybody. 

There and back again,

Stephanie

Week 4... Or is it 1 month?

This post has been on my to-do list for a while.  I know it's overdue, but I'm posting it anyway since these are really to help our family remember this journey.

So, first off...  a picture!!

In this picture, E is 4 weeks old.  I love his little "o" face he's making!!  Such a cutie!!

 
Week 4 Highlights:
1) No AC! I know God won't give me more than I can handle, so I had to just laugh as life threw us a curve ball.  It was only about 36 hours of no cool air, but it was long enough when you have a new baby.  Some sweet friends named Kevin and Aislinn (pronounced Ash-linn) adopted the three of us for the night.  We had such a relaxing time (not easy with a 3 and a half week old!)  E actually slept great in a new place.  Plus, we learned about this new (to us) thing called a Rock'N'Play by Fisher Price.  E now sleeps in one every night.  Love it!

2)  The E's monitor alarm jolted us out of bed. We have an Angel Care monitor that beeps if baby stops breathing for more than 15 seconds.  Friday morning, just before Tim's alarm clock went off, we heard our first beep.  Tim quickly jolted out of bed and calmly called out, "Emmitt..." as he hurried down the hall.  Me?  I panically recited "Oh, God! Oh, God! Is he breathing? Is he alive??" on loop while I ran behind Tim.  You see, the monitor is to help prevent SIDs.  I am terrified of SIDs if I stop and dwell on it, which is what the beeping alarm led me to do - dwell on the possibility that my little bundle was no longer breathing.  It turns out that E had simply wiggled his way off the movement-detecting mat.  I learned two things from this experience:  Tim is a much calmer person than I am when it comes to a possible crisis.  Also, E cannot be trusted to remain in one spot.  Let the wiggling begin!

3) E's first tornado sirens!  (A notable event for an Oklahoma baby.)  The sirens went off while we were at Kevin and Aislinn's.  We weren't worried since they have a storm shelter.  However, since we live in Oklahoma, I wanted to be able to tell E that the first time he ever had the tornado sirens to worry about, he slept right through it.  I'm hoping this will convince him that he doesn't need to freak out when there is severe weather.  We were safe and everyone was okay.  Plus, we made some yummy "shelter cake" (aka hastily iced warm cake) to get us through the adreneline rush of tornado weather. (Thanks, Aislinn, for the pic!)

4) First date night for Mom & Dad!  Miss Aislinn watched E while Mom and Dad went out to Red Lobster for dinner.  She instructed us not to come back for at least two hours, so we went and wandered Academy afterwards.  It was a short outing, but it was nice to have some time alone with my best friend.  Plus, Aislinn sent me pictures of E while we were gone.  Those cheered me up each time I missed him!

5) E is already in his big boy diapers.  What I mean by this is that he is out of his newborn diapers and wearing his one-size diapers.  These bigger diapers are adjustable so that they will fit him all the way through potty training.  This happened too fast for momma!  We had been having leaks with the newborn sizes for almost a week before I finally realized that they were too small rather than too big.  (I'm slow like that sometimes...) The nice thing about this is that we have more of the one-size diapers than we have newborn diapers.  This means less laundry.  Hurray!

6) E can lift his head and move around during tummy time.  I'm not sure exactly what the age markers are for this, but we watch him move and look around with awe and excitement. Now, I'm not talking about a steady, smooth head lift.  He wobbles that noggin around quite a bit.  But the cool thing is that he is moving it and holding it off the floor for more than a fleeting second!  And boy can that kid wiggle!  If we put him down, a few minutes later he is not in the same spot!


Things I've learned as a rookie mom this week:
1)  Ask for help! Tim and I hosted our small group on Friday night.  I knew my house wouldn't be spotless, but it hadn't been cleaned in the 4 weeks since E had arrived.  It also wasn't cleaned the week before that.  (Do you see where this is going?)  In an attempt to prevent embarrassment on our part and disgust on the part of our friends, sweet Aislinn came over to help me clean.  She had been offering for almost four weeks, so I finally accepted.  We vacuumed, swept, mopped, cleaned bathrooms, dusted, and cleaned glass doors.  And when I say we, I mean Aislinn did most of it and I helped.  My energy is getting back up there, but my endurance is still trying to catch up.  It helps that Aislinn loves to clean.  Thank you, friend!!

2)  Batteries are for the birds!  E really likes his swing.  In fact, he's even slept in it a night or two when he wanted to be fussy but mom and dad wanted to sleep.  This meant that we used up the batteries much faster.  We now know to shop for electronic items that can be plugged in for continuous use. 

3)  Nursing pads are serious business.  I wasn't ready for that!  In fact, I didn't really understand just why they were so important or how often you would need to change them.  I had a box of disposable nursing pads and used those for about a week.  When I ran out, I decided to make cloth nursing pads that I can just wash and reuse.  I'll post a blog about them later to show you how easy they are to make.  I just couldn't imagine having to keep track of how many disposable nursing pads I had left before I would have to restock again... and again... and again.

4) Babies cry in their sleep.  Loud outbursts, then serene breathing.  What's the deal? One night I got up three times within twenty minutes.  Each time I quietly entered the nursery, there was E, just sleeping and breathing as peaceful as can be.  One time I even thought, "I'm going to wait for him to do it again just so I can see how he does this!"  I waited for ten minutes before I gave up and went back to bed.  Of course, as soon as I was laying down, he did it again!  I think he must be practicing his ornery timing for when he's a teenager...

Sincerely,

Stephanie

Rainbow Baby

Warning: Kleenex may be required.

Oh, and Mom - make sure you have powder handy if you're about to go out.  Your nose will be red.  Love you!

Yesterday was the culmination of a three day memory - spotting, ultrasound, and a D&C. 

A year ago, Tim and I faced the terrible reality of miscarrying our first baby.  The spotting began at 5 and a half weeks.  I came home from a friend's baby shower elated about possibly being the next new mom, only to begin spotting a few hours later.  Over the next six and a half weeks, we would spot three more time, have 3 ultrasounds, and ride a roller coaster of hope versus fear as we prayed our way through our first trimester.  A week before we learned that the little life was gone, I recorded this in the pregnancy journal I had:

"To fight the worry, I've been re-reading Fearless by Max Lucado and clinging to the truth that my tiny baby is significant to God, who holds all life in His hands."

 The fact that our pregnancy ended at 12 weeks has not changed my faith in God's sovereignty.  This is the message that we posted on facebook to share our hurt with everyone:

"When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up." Psalm 94:19. Today, Tim and I found out that at 12 weeks pregnant our little baby has gone to be with Jesus. If you know anything, please know this: My God REIGNS. He heals me when I'm hurt, cheers me when I'm down, and is the Creator of ALL life.

That verse, Psalm 94:19, carries me through those moments, hours, and days when I felt like I was incapable of stopping the tears.  My heart was broken, but God could cheer me.  I would cry, but God could make me laugh again. 

One night when I was up late, wide awake and gripped with grief, I read Psalm 30:5

Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

This gave me peace and hope.  I even wrote next to it, "Grief doesn't have to last forever."  I knew morning would come.  I just wasn't sure if the "joy" meant a baby to hold or a different sort of joy.

Then on September 16th God allowed the excited anticipation of a new baby back into our lives.  The day before my cousin's wedding, Tim and I had a positive pregnancy test!  I was excited - and riddled with fear.  If you've lost a child, you know the fear of "what if it happens again."  Even to the moment that I delivered Emmitt, I constantly had to acknowledge that I deserve nothing.  God could allow my baby's life to end at any time.  Instead of running from this fear, I chose to find reassurance in the knowledge that God is in control not me. 

I had multiple sources of encouragement as we went through our grief and pregnancy.  Some of the best sources were friends who have been through the same or similar situations.  Friends who have miscarried, friends who struggled with infertility, friends who carried a baby to term knowing that her little body would not survive outside her mother's womb.  It has done so much for us to be able to talk openly about our pain and our healing. 

One such friend explained to me that there is a name for babies like Emmitt who bless us after a loss.  They're called rainbow babies.  We had weathered the storm of losing our first child.  Now God has blessed us with another.

Even with this sweet blessing, we won't forget our first baby.  It's still hard sometimes to know how to process a lost pregnancy.  However, yesterday we took a moment to remember and celebrate.

 ~~~~~~

This rainbow appeared one morning about a month before we found out we were pregnant again.  Even then, I remember snapping this picture because the rainbow reminded me that God keeps his promises.  I didn't know at the time that it meant a baby boy, but I took reassurance in the many promises that we do have from our Heavenly Father.

Yesterday we a did balloon release for Baby Aitken's birthday.  There are three balloons - one from each of us.  Tim and I each wrote a letter to baby and attached those to the strings.  (Interesting story about the balloons - the lady who prepared them for us at the store is also a rainbow baby.  As I stood there, trying my best not cry inside Homeland, she told me that the she was here today only because her parents had lost the baby before her.  I looked at E and knew there was a reason why I had gone to that store for balloons.)

Happy birthday, Baby Aitken!  We love you and can't wait to meet you!!

Love, Mom and Dad

The Three Uncles

I need to tell you about E's three uncles!  I have two brothers and my husband has one.  There are no sisters, so E currently has no aunts.  (Outnumbered much? Yes!)

First, I want you to meet Uncle Kevin.

He's pictured here with my mother-in-law, Grandma Jill.  We love Kevin because he is such a mix of goofy and calm.  I don't want to say serious, although he can be serious.  Kevin just has this ability to stay cool and light-hearted through life.  One thing I really like about spending time with Kevin and my husband is the relationship they share.  It is so obvious that they are family, that they love each other, and enjoy spending time together.  My prayer is that E and his future siblings - yes, we do want more, just not yet! - will share a similar relationship.  That said, Tim and I have been dating and spending time with each other's family since high school.  I know their relationship went through the same sibling feuds like the rest of us.  This gives me hope for the future when we have bickering children!

Alrighty, next I want to introduce Uncle Andrew.

This is my youngest brother.  He's studying engineering, which means he's smart.  But he's not nerdy!  (I, however, am a math nerd with a decent dose of social awkwardness.)  Andrew, like Kevin, manages to keep things light-hearted.  He also has some really cool interests: He's lived in London during the summers serving as a missionary.  He plays guitar, sings, and I think plays a bit of piano and drums also.  (Seriously?  Mom, why didn't I get those cool genes, too??)  One thing that I really love about my baby brother is his faith.  I have countless memories of him sitting on the couch with a Bible and his journal.  Making time for one-on-one time with God is an area where I struggle.  I have been so grateful for his example.  More than once it has sent me to do the same.  God knew I just needed the reminder! 

Okay, now for the remaining brother: Uncle John!

I will confess that John and I are very different - I'm the academic nerd, he's the intelligent businessman and, like Andrew, knows how to be social without being awkward.  Really, he and Andrew are the cool kids in our family.  (This is my own declaration and not an idea set upon me by family or friends.  Don't want anyone to think I'm neglected by my family!)  I really value the time I spend with John because he has just become such a nice, neat guy to be around.  You see, we didn't really get along until after I moved out and went to college.  Picture oldest child (me) and middle child (him).  Doesn't that sound problem free growing up?

Oh, and the other really fun thing about John?  He's getting married next weekend!  So, the whole matter of E not having any aunts?  Yep.  That's about to be solved!  Can't wait!!

Until next time,
Stephanie
a.k.a Future-Sister-in-Law